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Ordinary responsibilities, changed circumstances
There is a particularly unhelpful thing about bills: they do not become less interested in being paid because your life has become more complicated.
The same is true of looking after a home. The dogs also remain strongly committed to their usual arrangements.
When I think about life after cancer, money belongs in the conversation. It affects what I can try, what I have to postpone and how much room I have to make a change.
It is difficult to discuss independence without discussing the practical means of having it.
Work is more than income
I miss the freedom that comes with being able to earn and make choices. Work can also offer structure, satisfaction and the feeling that your abilities have somewhere useful to go.
I have a varied working background. I have enjoyed practical work and driving, and I know that a conventional five-day desk job is not automatically my ideal life.
Ongoing health limitations add another question to the ones about interest and ability: could I sustain the arrangement?
Being able to imagine doing something is not the same as knowing I could reliably manage it every week. That is frustrating when the enthusiasm to build something is still there.
Looking for a workable shape
I have been exploring study and creative projects partly because I want more choices in the future.
I am interested in work that could give me variety and some control over how I use my time. I am also realistic about needing it to fit around health, bills, a home and two dogs. I cannot simply disappear into a completely different life while somebody else deals with all of that.
The appeal of small projects is that I can investigate an idea and see what is involved. Creative and digital ventures are among those possibilities. A notebook you already own is enough for early ideas; if you are looking for new stationery, Oxford Campus pastel A4 lined notebooks (Ad) are one option for gathering project notes.
Possibility is not a promise of income, though. Having an idea, making something and finding people willing to pay for it are separate pieces of work. I do not want to confuse the excitement of beginning with proof that a project will support me.
A future with more choices
What I want is a life with more freedom: enough income to make choices, useful things to do, and an arrangement I can sustain.
That is an ambition I am building towards. At the moment there are experiments, learning and decisions about where limited time and money should go.
It can be slow. It can also be interesting, and I want to keep both facts in view.
This blog will include that practical side of rebuilding. The health difficulties affect the financial choices, and the financial choices affect what rebuilding can look like.
There may be creative detours along the way. There will definitely still be bills.
This is personal experience, not financial, benefits or medical advice.